You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
