i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
