I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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