So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
