i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
