in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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