I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
