She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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