Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
