just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
