I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize