im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
