there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
