dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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