i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
