my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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