Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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