Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.