Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?