Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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