...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize