I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
