found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
