sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
