And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
