you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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