and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
