eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
and you fell through a lawn chair
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