Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
