Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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