My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
