Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
