Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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