What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
