oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
