considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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