I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
