I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
