1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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