Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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