im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize