You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize