today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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