Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
