So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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