i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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