3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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