I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
