I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
