Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
