Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
