Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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