I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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