found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
