My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
