I can tuck mytits in my pants
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
