3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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