mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
