i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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