you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
