There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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