Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just google imaged poop.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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