Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
