If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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