I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
