On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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