well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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