So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
