question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
